Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
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I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
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If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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