I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
