wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize