Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
