i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
