I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
