I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
