Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
