I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
