my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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