remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
This house was built for laser tag.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
