pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
