After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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