What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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