Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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