We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
FUCK WHALES
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
