farters have to be the big spoon...
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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