dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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