I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
