Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I could fuck to npr.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Randomize
