Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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