How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
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we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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