I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
love makes seman taste better
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize