Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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