Tell her she can't have a vagina
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
