omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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