Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize
