i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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