Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
