I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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