Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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