he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Randomize
