Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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