So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
