She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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