i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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