omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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