So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
