Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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