my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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