Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
