And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
