Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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