How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
