So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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