i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
