who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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