Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
