Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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