Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Where are you guys?
Drunk
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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