First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
