she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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