She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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