Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
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You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
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The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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