I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
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I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
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you are never too drunk for berry picking
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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