Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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