alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It's official drugs can't kill me
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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