Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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