R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize